Elements of Inspiration

As a thinker and a writer, and one who loves to sing and dance, I love soaking up moments. It doesn’t have to be extraordinary. Sometimes it is the absolutely mundane that sparks a sense of nostalgia and peace. When I go on Pinterest (which is more often than not), I search specific topics/themes that I know will inspire me just by seeing them: beaches, pretty cupcakes, music festival style clothing, etc.

Everyone is inspired by something unique to their personality. I follow a guy on Instagram (@freethebirdphotography), who tags a song title in the location bar on every photo he posts. For him, the mood of rhythms and beats inspires the mood of his photo sessions. In the recent movie, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, the photographer (Sean) misses the opportunity to capture a pic of a snow leopard in the HImalayas just because he wanted to sit in the moment and soak in the serenity.

I love this sentiment because it challenges me to be intentional about the things I would call art. Why am I writing a sentence like this? Why am I starting a new paragraph here? Why does this deserve an exclamation point instead of a period? So often we just spit information or images or statuses out the minute we think of anything that might garner some type of attention or praise. Sure, you might get 100 likes for a bathroom selfie…but if you really feel fulfilled in knowing that people only like you for the common trash that anyone else could produce, then you may want to check your self-worth. Chances are, it’s not very high if you can’t stand to have no one praise you or like you for your real work.

So here I am, writing this, wanting to soak up a moment, and consciously recollect the elements that stir up my feelings of inspiration.

Rain–it’s raining right now, actually. Who doesn’t enjoy the constant but gentle hum of droplets hitting the ground, sending out a fresh, clean scent and spreading a cozy, gray blanket around a town? When I was in Costa Rica during the rainy season, it rained every single day starting around 1 until sunset. It forced everyone to simply quit working and go home. There was nothing you could do. Here in the States, that wouldn’t be tolerated. But for me, when it rains, the earth rumbles, “Enough. It’s time to rest.” And that alone inspires me to return to my passions that I lay aside when life gets in the way.

Grass–it may be itchy when you roll around in it, but it’s just so bright and inviting! When I was little, and sometimes even now, if I rode in the backseat of a car, I would stare out at fields and imagine myself cutting the grasses that were too tall. It kept my mind occupied on long drives because the grass never ends until you hit the city. When I played soccer, I would pluck grass strands and braid them or split each blade during half-time. And when we lived in the country, my dad left our yard un-mowed for what seemed like a year, and finally decided to cut it down when we were having family over for Easter. I was about 7 and suddenly felt this urgency to take advantage of the jungle/safari that was my backyard. My vivid imagination convinced me to be a tiger and crawl through the grass for hours, making paths all through the yard and hiding myself when my parents tried to look for me. Now, when I’ve had a stressful day at work, I take the long way home, through a small town with winding, empty roads that are bordered by never-ending fields of bright green happiness. It makes me feel free, like I can breathe again and fly if I wanted to.

Windows–I can’t get enough of them. They represent another form of freedom for me. As long as I can see the big, open world outside, I know that I won’t suffocate in an office. Raw, natural sunlight is infinitely better than white, electric lights. A window is the only “screen” I could stare at all day long.

Driving my car–it’s my mobile home. I’ve had better long, honest talks with family and friends in cars than I have most other places. They’re so intimate that it feels like a safe place. I can belt out a One Direction song or an Adele song and no one passing me would know the difference or judge my singing! I can cry, I can scream, I can laugh or I can be totally silent. It’s not a bedroom where you can still hear other people or risk getting interrupted by someone who knows where you’re at. But a car is an escape. I guess you could say it’s an introvert’s best friend. haha

 

“She changed the gravity in the room…”

“She changed the gravity in the room; she made everything happen.”

Found this quote in a book I’m reading right now and found it inspiring. It describes Grace Hemingway, Ernest Hemingway’s mother, in the novel The Paris Wife by Paula McLain.

The guilty pleasure of saying “I don’t know”

We all take part in guilty pleasures. 

Whether you watch Keeping up with the Kardashians, or read the Twilight trilogy, or can eat an entire bag of Doritos in one sitting, we all deal with things that we know probably aren’t good or beneficial for us but they’re comfortable and easy to partake in. 

Although I am a serious sitcom, Pinterest, and peanut M&Ms junkie, one of my other guilty pleasures is using the phrase “I don’t know” as a universal crutch to lean on in many situations.

I know I’m not alone here. We’ve all pulled the easy cop-out phrase when we don’t want to admit that WE were the ones who wore and stained our sibling/friend’s clothing item. We use it when we’re too lazy to really answer someone’s question that we know but just don’t want to take the time to explain it all out. But we also use it to avoid divulging information about ourselves.

I have a quirky personality. I just do. And I know it. But it was always hard for me growing up to explain it to other people. I didn’t know how to say that I find small talk pointless and draining or that I always preferred staying in to read/watch a movie/chill with best friends instead of bar-hopping and clubbing on every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night. So I’d always come up with some excuse, and if people legitimately asked WHY I don’t like those things or WHY I over-think and over-feel things, I would just say, “I DON’T KNOW.” 

Then I took the Myers-Brigg personality test. I know. Major *eyeroll*. Super cheesy. My first time I took it I basically selected what I WISH I was like, instead of who I really was. When I finally took it seriously, I found out I’m an INFJ–apparently it’s the rarest personality in the world? That explains a lot, I thought. But the things that go on in my head made more sense after I researched about it.

Turns out, EVERYTHING makes more sense if we research about it. I don’t always go up to people and say, “Hi, I’m Raquel. I’m an INFJ, and that’s why I’m awkward. What are you?” But now I know. And if I think you’re worth telling, I’ll explain to you.

So I’ve come to realize that saying “I don’t know” is somewhat of a cowardly cop-out guilty pleasure that I don’t want to keep indulging in. I don’t want to feel lost like my grandparents are with all technology. I don’t want to bypass important information or keep others from understanding information that I already know. Living is all about sharing. Sharing life, love, wisdom, etc. 

I challenge myself and anyone else who might read this to actually think before saying “I don’t know.” Are you going to hell if you use it? Yes. NO! Absolutely not. Well maybe…I don’t know. haha But seriously, you’ll sound a lot more informed, intelligent, and honest if you take the time to look into answering difficult questions and then impart it to someone else.

 

So here’s to actually knowing stuff! Woo hoo! 

~Rock~

Joy is not…

One thing I’m trying to learn is that joy is not another adventure abroad. It’s not a sexy, rich man. It’s not a new expensive handbag. It’s not being famous. It’s not having 400 friends. It’s not a Mercedes Benz. It’s not having 30k Instagram followers.

Being happy isn’t about finding it in something unattainable or tangible. It’s simply having JOY, no matter where you are or what you’re doing or even who you’re with. Joy is joy no matter what. And that’s what I want. To be joyful when I’m stuck at home all day cleaning. To be happy at work, sitting at my desk from 9-5. Joy isn’t accepting bad circumstances as good. It’s just changing our pointless negative perspective into a good mood.

Makes life easier. And prettier.

Joyfully,

Raquel

Conflict & Pain…good??

“A great work of art is rarely born out of a place of happiness, and a good story is never without conflict.”

I heard the first part of this quote somewhere the other day, and it struck me as being very true. It reminded me of a good story, so I added the last part and made it my own. Now I’m not saying EVERY work of art came out of pain and bitterness and darkness. Some of my favorite sculptures, I’m sure, came from unrequited love and passion. And some impressionist paintings represent feelings of freedom and colorful expression. Just like there are a few stories, like maybe….well, I actually can’t think of any that are happy all the way through. But I’m sure there’s at least one.

The honest truth is that we aren’t inspired when everything is going our way. When we are happy and at peace we are content and complacent. For good reason too! We don’t want anything to change. But as soon as we realize that a paper is due tomorrow or that blind date stood you up or we have a heated argument with a family member…WATCH OUT, because that’s when the words, the artistic expression, and motivation to complete something kicks in, takes over, and doesn’t quit until a masterpiece has been created.

Why? Because we finally have something to communicate about. We have a reason to prove ourselves or just BE HEARD. And the result is (usually) something beautiful. Now I admit that there were times back in my awkward junior high phase when I thought I had just written the most exquisite poem, but when I look back and read it now, I think: Dear God, I sound so emo, and I have no idea what this is supposed to be about. 

However, recently I’ve begun to recognize that I always try to take the easy way out of things. If I can avoid conflict at any cost, I WILL! No one wants to go through pain or difficult situations. 

But where would we be if we never had to go through any of the hard times we’ve had in life? Would we be as passionate, as independent and self-motivated, and as satisfied after we’ve finally overcome an obstacle? If I was born a celebrity millionaire, I don’t think I’d appreciate it as much if I hadn’t previously been homeless without $10 of my own. 

Think back to the truly great success stories you’ve heard of. Not one of them consisted of smooth sailing forever.

All I’m saying is, maybe we shouldn’t be so discouraged any time something frustrating happens. Don’t settle for the bad situation either. Take courage that it’s gonna change! It HAS to get better. Why? Because you’re too brilliant and special to let that happen! Waiting for the storm to pass is necessary before seeing the gorgeous rainbow. Being submerged in fire is necessary before gold can be melted and molded into a crown for a king. And a caterpillar has to be cramped and vulnerable in a tiny cocoon before transforming into a lovely butterfly.

View the conflicts as adventure, another mountain to climb, another victory to claim, another good story to tell. 

 

 

Simply and Sincerely,

Raquel

Who I want to be

Every year we all look back on what we accomplished the past 365 days, and we form a list of resolutions of what we want to do the next year. While I definitely want to lose a few pounds, travel to some new place, and meet the love of my life, after 21 years of living, I’ve realized setting those kind of goals are just unrealistic. 

This year has been a big year of growth and change for me. As I’m entering my twenties and the first “real” stage of adulthood, I want to make sure I start growing into the type of woman I want to be. One day, I’m going to be a wife, a mother, a business woman, etc., etc. All my life I’ve watched women whom I admire, and I always tell myself that one day I will be just like them. Well, right now, I’m not them or anything like it. I’m not saying I want to clone myself to be a spitting image of Audrey Hepburn or my mother. But I see qualities and attributes that I haven’t mastered yet, and I haven’t been working to get any closer to those things. I spent all of high school and college procrastinating, and while some of my greatest works were completed 5 minutes before the midnight deadline, I don’t want to risk my future by putting off the work it will take to be where I want to be. 

So I began this list on my iPhone one night when I couldn’t sleep, just like the countless other notes and lists I’ve made including random things like Baby Girl Names I Like and My Vocal Range and Lessons About Boys. I didn’t make this out to be one of those shared blog posts you see on Facebook with a title like, “What to look for in a wife” or “14 Ways to be a better person in 2014.” I’m just the type of person who needs to write/type things out for them to actually mean something to me. I can look back and measure my progress and add or take away things that I think or once thought were important. 

In this new year, I want to work towards becoming a better woman. I don’t expect to change starting January 1, 2014, and I don’t expect to fully accomplish my list perpetually by December 31, 2014.

The type of woman I want to be…

Leaves people happier than when she first engaged them.

Encourages others to be better.

Lets God’s love shine and pour out of her ALL the time, not only during good times.

Thinks more of others than herself.

Speaks positively and not negatively/Speaks life and not death.

Takes initiative versus waiting for permission or promotion.

Speaks with boldness and conviction.

Brings life and joy into every room she walks into.  

Makes sure her family knows she loves them.

Doesn’t forget about a friend.

Forgives easily and doesn’t pick up offenses.

Listens well and responds well.

Is quotable. 😉

Actively reaches out to the needy, without sharing it with all humanity.

Doesn’t take ONE day for granted.

Is not lazy.

Enjoys taking care of others.

Apologizes honestly when she’s wrong. 

Can cook and bake well.

Makes everyone feel welcome and important.

Pursues her dreams and helps others accomplish theirs as well.

Remembers birthdays and sends Thank You cards.

Settles arguments lovingly and peacefully. 

Solves problems and doesn’t create them.

Plans adventures regularly for herself and family/friends.

Makes time to read and write beautiful works.

So here’s to a better me and a new, full year to try to pull it off!

XO,

Raquel

Dear 2013

Dear 2013,

If you were a boyfriend, I’d say we had a good run.

We went to NYC twice!
We graduated college after just 3 years.
We lived and worked in London right before the Royal Baby was born.
We visited Scotland and discovered my family heritage lies in a small restaurant off the shore of Loch Ness called The Mooring’s.
We hiked up a mountain in Wales in the rain and explored copper mine caves.
We discovered our preference for Pinot Grigio and lamb shawarmas.
We flew entirely by ourselves for the first time from London to Dallas, and we didn’t die!
We took a spontaneous trip to the beach and realized that we really don’t like saltwater.
We started working in retail and drastically improved our wardrobe.

Then we started having some problems.
Life after the honeymoon stage of graduation and traveling became a struggle.
We moved back home to a town that doesn’t even have a movie theater or Target.
We lost some dear friendships that meant a lot to us.
We were forced to live on a really tight budget.
We began questioning what we wanted to do with our lives…again.
We just got stuck.
And I can’t stay here with you anymore.
We had some good times.
But I gotta move forward.
I don’t know what I’m going to do or who I’m going to become, but I do know that I’ve gotta break with you and start with someone new.

Don’t worry, I won’t forget you. But I won’t dwell too much on you either. The best is always yet to come and I want better than 2013.

Thank you for all the gifts and surprises and joys and lessons you gave me.

But I hear there’s a new kid on the block. His name’s 2014, and I think his eyes are set on me.

Farewell old friend,
Raquel

You’re a Round Peg.

I think a lot of us believe our lives were meant to be something much different than what they are right now. We go through our whole lives wishing it was a different life, believing we were always meant for more, more, more. We endure day after day, daydreaming about what a typical day would be like for us in our ideal world and lifestyle.

How stupid is that?

It reminds me of that movie with Bruce Willis where everyone lives virtual lives with these robots that are created by the users to live exactly how they want to. All the while, the real people are lying comatose in bed all day doing nothing but dreaming fantasies.

Wake up people! You are who you are and you can’t change that. Has anybody seen that funny article about the man who sued his wife for ugly children after discovering that she had gotten serious plastic surgery done before they met? You can’t hide the real you forever. It’s bound to come out.

What if you spoke to the “author” or “playwright” of your life and they told you that you are exactly where you are supposed to be and doing exactly what you are meant to do? Would you finally be satisfied? Would you go home content, knowing you’re on the right track?

The truth is, most of us ARE on the right track. Are you tired of being in school? Well guess what? You’re meant to be there until you finish. Tired of being single? Maybe you need to appreciate life without dependence on another person to make you feel valuable. Tired of your job? Maybe you’re there to make it better. Tired of your marriage? Tough luck. Marriage isn’t something you give up on when it’s broken. It’s something you learn how to fix.

There would be infinitely less suicides, abortions, divorces, cases of depression, and high school and college drop outs if people just learned to accept the place in life they are currently in and actually LIVE IT OUT.

Quit listening to the media telling you that you need to look THIS way and be friends with THESE people and go to THOSE events and live in THAT big city penthouse and have fun doing THESE things. Who created those ubiquitous standards??? Don’t you know that there is NO ONE on this earth that is just like you? You have your own fingerprint that no one can copy. You even have your own scent (some are stronger than others :/). So why in the WORLD would you try to fit into the same mold as everybody else.

You’re a round peg trying to fit into a square hole. It just ain’t gonna work, honey.

Appreciate your own story. Someone else is dreaming of living yours.

Raquel out.

Dear Love Triangles…

Dear Love Triangles,

Why must you break my heart and sadden me?!

So here I am stuck with a decision to make between two sexy beasts. We’ll call them Edward and Jacob.

It’s not my fault that I find them both irresistible. It’s just so unfortunate that I am meeting them both at the same time. Why do I have to make a choice? I wish I could just pick both and use them interchangeably. But…..that’s just not possible.

Allow me to introduce them, and then maybe you can help me decide.

First, there’s Edward.

He’s so…….eccentric and mysterious! He practically shines and is so bright like the sun. He’s different from everyone else, but I just don’t know how easily I would fit in his world and if he would fit in mine. But every time I look at him, I’m breathless and can’t look away.

Then, there’s Jacob.

He’s sexy but safe. He has always been there for me and never lets me down. You could say we are best friends and choosing him wouldn’t really force me to change my lifestyle. But he’s dark and maybe a little too familiar. He suits me well though, so maybe I should just stick to what I know.

Gosh, aren’t they both so gorgeous?!

Every time I think I make a decision, I just change my mind again! Here I am in this love triangle and I can’t even get any work done because they’re all I think about.

I can tell the guys sense some tension. They want me to make a choice fast, otherwise they may both be gone! What should I do??

Sincerely,

A lost and love-smitten Raquel

Dear Post-College Life…

Dear Post-College Life,

You are like the tea cups ride at any theme park.

When I saw you before me, I was elated! I thought to myself, bring it on!! I chose you over the long, never ending roller coasters of a fourth year of college or grad school. I had it all planned out. I didn’t “eat up” too many of the typical stories of post-college woes that would cause me to metaphorically “throw up” and throw out all of my hopes and dreams and visions for my future even when the going got tough.

I raced down that stage to get into what I thought was the perfect tea cup for me! My future was set. I’d be riding this tea cup for a while, then someone would come along and say, “Great riding! We’re ready to upgrade you to this bigger, faster, shinier tea cup now!” And I’d be on my way, spinning towards some golden sunset with a rainbow and birds chirping and people chanting my name, cheering me on to more success! You get the picture, PCL (that’s your nickname, Post-College Life. I’m done calling you Dear at this point).

But no. Just like that one tea cup that isn’t working quite right, my dream was halted. I had to get out of my cup. So I just picked the closest one to me and hopped in, because like amusement park rides, life doesn’t wait. So I told myself, hey, it’s all cool! It’ll get better along the way and I’ll just find another tea cup for me! After all, I’m still on this ride when most people my age are still in line.

Yet as I start spinning and spinning faster and faster, I feel like I’m not really going anywhere. I’m just spinning in circles. So I wait til I can switch cups and I hop on a new one thinking: this one seems fun, maybe I’m supposed to be in this cup! But after a short while of spinning, again I feel….meh. There’s no excitement. This cup doesn’t even spin as fast. So I choose another one, and then another, trying to find the destination cup for me that will actually lead me to a life of joy and fulfillment and purpose. But all that happens is dizziness as I cycle between “cups,” which btw refer to different dreams or passions or ideas. I just get more confused of where I am in the end. I see blurred faces of friends and family whose lives seem to be moving at a pace much faster than mine.

Now some people get sick pretty quickly. And they just quit and toss all their “cookies” by accepting the first opportunity that lands in their lap. But not me. I’m not mad at you, PCL, just disappointed. This ride isn’t as fun as I thought it’d be. But I can’t quit yet. Sheesh I’ve only experienced you for about a month.

I’m just writing to you so that you understand that you need to step up your game.

Glad we had this talk. If you need me, I’ll be looking at tea cups. But I mean that literally as well as metaphorically because tea cups are actually adorable, and all this talking about them makes me want one.

Cheers!

Raquel

 

P.S. To anyone who has read this and might be going through something similar: this is called a Season of Transition. It happens in between big life events like high school and college, college graduation and the real world, single life and married life, etc. It’s a time where nothing exciting is really happening because you are WAITING. It’s common to start questioning your calling, your identity, your purpose because you feel as though you aren’t making any progress or aren’t getting any recognition. But the worst thing you could do is wait passively, because that turns into laziness and inactivity. Instead you should wait actively, like a restaurant waiter or waitress. They are constantly moving, serving, encountering new people, and working without sitting down. However, that doesn’t mean that you should jump the gun on the first job opportunity or guy/girl that comes along and shows interest in you. Stick to your vision. If you don’t have one, or you lost it, then that is the first thing you need to focus on. Dream big, make a plan, ask other people who believe in you for their advice and then just enjoy the wait! Sounds impossible, I know. But once you find your “Tea Cup,” life is going to spin by so fast. So enjoy the peace while it’s yours. 🙂